Don't Mess with Aphrodite
by Athena's legacy
Summary: When love magic attacks! My first fanfic. Hope you like it.


Spoiler alert! Don't read if you haven't read TLO!

DISCLAIMER:

I do not own PJO, Don't Cha, You Belong with Me, Crazy Train, Barbie Girl, or Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

* * *

After a long day at Camp Half Blood Percy decides to visit his friend Rachel the Oracle at the Big House.

He climbs the stairs to the attic and finds Rachel reclining in the Oracle's chair.

Percy sits down on the chair across from Rachel:

"Hey Rachel, what's up?"

Rachel notices Percy and runs her hand through her hair:

"Hi Percy,"

Percy:

"Hi,"

Rachel suddenly sits up straight as she notices the eerie magenta smoke inching toward her from her right. Unwillingly, she absorbs the smoke through her mouth and becomes filled with the need to be express her inner thoughts.

Rachel stands up, and begins singing, suddenly possessed:

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

Percy's eyes widen as he becomes frightened. He stands up, and begins backing away from Rachel--quivering a little bit as he does so--holding his hand up in front of him as if trying to tell her to stop whatever she was doing. He shakes his head and barely whispers:

"No,"

Rachel slowly moves toward him outstretching her arms, inviting him to come closer:

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?"

Percy gingerly drops down on one knee and places himself on the floor. He curls into the fetal position and begins rocking back and forward, chanting his "don't panic" phrase:

"It's ok Percy. Your gonna be just fine. Find your happy place,"

Rachel kneels to the ground and begins crawling toward Percy:

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?"

Percy scoots backwards on his butt as he tries to distance himself from Rachel. He looks to his left and right for something to throw at Rachel. He spots the Minotaur horn -- which somehow fell on the floor --and chucks it at her. It hits her with a loud THUD!

Rachel rolls over onto her back and starts crying:

"Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you? Been here all along so why can't you see? You belong with me. You belong with me. You belong with me,"

Percy starts crying too:

"PERCY, YOU ARE IN YOUR HAPPY PLACE!"

Rachel plops herself on the ground and scoots around in a circle on her butt in a dog-like fashion:

"ALL ABOOOOOAAAARRD HAHAHAHAHAHA... AY AY AY AY AY..."

Percy stands up, dashes to the window, frantically opens it, and looks down onto the courtyard. He spots Annabeth and screams:

"ANNABETH!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!"

Annabeth sprints to the big house and hurries up the stairs to the attic:

"What is it now seaweed brain?"

Percy:

"She won't stop singing!"

Rachel drops to her stomach and does the worm:

"I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world

Life in plastic, it's fantastic,"

Annabeth suddenly notcies the magenta smoke slowly drifting toward her from the pink scarf laying on a table near Rachel's desk.

Annabeth points to it and screams:

"NO! GODS NO! ANYTHING BUT LOVE MAGIC!"

Percy notices the smoke and begins crying again:

"MAMMA!"

The smoke splits into two parts and goes into Percy's ear as it crawls up Annabeth's nose.

Percy looks at Annabeth and then Rachel. He smiles a big goofy grin and begins stepping closer to the window while singing:

"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Really do come true.

Annabeth and Rachel look at Percy, move toward him, and join in:

"Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me."

The three friends hold hands and move still closer to the window:

"Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why then - oh, why can't I?"

Percy opens the window and the friends step out on the patio, moving slowly towards the ledge:

"If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh, why can't I?"

They all jump off the ledge and flap their arms like pigeons, look down at their friends below, and glide for about three seconds until gravity kicks in.

They rapidly dive down toward the river and land in the water with a loud splash. Rachel hits her head on a rock and dies. Annabeth is dragged to the

bottom of the river by a bunch of jealous Naiads. Percy forgets that he can breathe underwater and drowns.

Fin.

Thanks for reading. I know it's not very well written, but I hope you liked it. Keep in mind that this is a parody as well as my first fanfic. Please comment  
honestly, but don't be too harsh.


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